an introduction to the "dear john" project and its following seven essays
Our relationships with our bodies vary in meaning depending on the body we are born into and how that body is perceived by the collective culture. Some people don’t have any complex awarenesses surrounding their bodies; for others, their relationship with the body is mythic and metaphorical. This collection was initially intended to heal my relationship with my body. I have carried this wound with me for several years; I finally made it a point to question it and open up a conversation. When something stays with you for that long and has such a potent impact on your life, chances are the source of the wound isn’t what you think it is. Instead, it is something much more profound.
Practicing healing ourselves is one of the most powerful things we can do. Let me be clear: I am not invalidating the benefits of therapy or seeking professional help. I have been fortunate to have very proficient, seasoned, and caring teachers. How else do we learn and grow if not by observing and interacting with one another? Healing ourselves does not mean that we do it alone. We all leverage diverse relationships, whether a therapist, teachers, or loved ones, to heal.
It can be challenging to see the shadows or unintegrated parts of ourselves, let alone objectively. One of the most beautiful parts of being human is that we aren’t alone in our experiences. More often than not, the people around us have experienced, are experiencing, or will experience many of the same archetypal dimensions of humanity as us in our lifetimes. We all reflect one another. If we are open, everyone around us is our teacher. We may learn from people by observing them, engaging in conversations, etc.; there are infinite ways to learn. As humans, we are more interconnected than we can perceive. Everyone has their way of coming home to the idea that we are all connected; my way is through The Mirror.
Relationships are some of the most powerful mirrors we have. When I want to see, heal, and integrate unseen parts of myself, I often look to the people closest to me. Seeing parts of ourselves that we often overlook, i.e., our blindspots isn’t always easy. Relationships, especially our closest ones, offer an objective mirror into those disregarded and disowned parts of ourselves. How many times have we told a friend to do XYZ but needed that advice for ourselves? How many times have we looked at our loved ones and seen more parts of ourselves in them than we care to admit? The more we know ourselves, the more we see ourselves in others and vice versa. Relationships are not only mirrors for discrete qualities but also for how we interact with the world. I.e., someone may not be an exact mirror for our personality traits, but how they upset or inspire us is an informational compass for how we can grow.
Each of the following seven essays focuses on a relationship that had an extraordinary impact on me at some point in time. Every relationship revealed the depth and intricacy of this wound in its own unexpected and remarkable way. If I had a major “character flaw,” it would be that I easily show grace and compassion to everyone else before myself, which is one of the reasons healing my relationship with my body and my relationship with that relationship has been so convoluted. Examining these relationships has allowed me to trace the wound to its origins. They revealed unknown aspects of the story to create a clearer, fuller picture, ultimately allowing for closure and renewal.
This project began to explore the deeper nuances between my relationships with my body and our collective cognition of beauty. Every personal wound is simultaneously impersonal and vice versa; this is one of the most beautiful parts of humanity. You may not identify as a black woman, but I am confident you will be able to find yourself somewhere in one of these essays. As I mentioned, our deepest wounds are never what they seem to be on the surface. Unearthing the unseen dimensions of my relationship with my body revealed an archetypal sentiment we can all relate to.
with love, katie
