dreaming about friendships

disclaimer: the recording and following words are for entertainment purposes only and do not constitute medical or psychological advice. please always seek the advice of a physician or mental health professional.

author’s note: the below is not a transcript of the recording. i wanted to play around with recording my answers (still having fun experimenting with my voice) and writing them, so some of the information is different within each version. i enjoyed both formats, so pick whichever or both ;) now, onto the fun stuff…

hello everyone, and welcome to my advice column (?)! i came to the idea for this project because a) i find relationships to be the most endlessly fascinating aspect of humanity— truly, i can go on and on forever about them and do not get tired of listening to people talk about them; b) a large part of my writing project heavily relies on portraying nuanced, realistic interpersonal dynamics and it would be great to expand beyond what i already know; and c) it sounded like it would be a lot of fun. this is my current artistic vision, and we will see how it goes. i had no idea how people get an advice column up and running when they are new to a platform (still don’t), so i solicited my friends for help (thank you so much to everyone who submitted a question; i had so much fun reading them).

when I originally asked for questions, i really thought that they would all be wildly different (somehow), but they all wound up being about friendship (which made selecting the theme for this post easy). i have to say, what is in the water right now? i guess i was a bit surprised at the similarity because even though i didn’t ask the most diverse sample of people (they all have me in common, after all), most of the people i asked don’t know one another. however, i wasn’t completely taken aback because i do believe that we are all connected in a mysterious way and experience certain archetypal energies as a collective. so today, we are discussing friendships and, more specifically, when and how to release them.

when is it right to forgive and forget when someone does something that hurts you, i.e., when is it time to move on from that relationship?

this is an annoying answer, but it depends. how long have you known this person? (1) what was the severity of their action(s) on a scale of one to ten? was what they did completely out of character? or was it part of a larger pattern? did they even apologize?

either way, i do believe it is important to forgive them for your own sanity. forgiveness isn’t about the other person; it’s all about you. what you don’t want to do is be that person who is still vehemently muttering under their breath about something that happened back in middle school when you’re in your late twenties. forgive them because, technically, there is nothing to forgive. we need to loosen up on our concept of “right” and “wrong” because not everything is that cut and dry2. typically, people are doing the best that they can with what they have at the time (unless, of course, they are sociopathic, but that’s not what we are talking about here). there are countless times i look back at certain points in my life and cringe because i “could have handled something so much better,” except i couldn’t have because i didn’t have the tools, maturity, or perspective. in reality, i could have only done better now because i have all of those things now (well, maybe some of them), but certainly not back then. imagine your worst moment(s). now consider for a moment there are things you have done to hurt other people you aren’t even aware of. there could be someone out there who finds you highly annoying, and you have no idea. something tells me that you wouldn’t have considered yourself to be “wrong” or insufferable at that point in time. wouldn’t you want the benefit of the doubt that it was a mistake or one-time thing that shouldn’t define your character or how people perceive you forever? also, if you can’t think of anything, remember that you are a human being, so you definitely have done something “wrong” (and many things “right,” i’m sure) in someone’s eyes. forgiveness, although a beautiful concept, polarizes. we could debate whether what they did was “right” or “wrong”; it doesn’t matter. what matters is how you feel about it and how you feel about them as a result. you don’t want to carry that pain around or think of them longer than you have to. chew on that and one hundred percent forgive them, no matter what they did, so you can move on. as my sister likes to say regularly (usually in reference to our parents), you need to protect your peace.

all of that being said— don’t get it twisted. if someone does something really hurtful to you, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they deserve to be in your life so that they can continue to do bad sh*t (3) to you. forgive them, AND do not let what they did just fall by the wayside without some sort of action or conversation. i would say it is time to move on from that relationship if a) what they did was so terrible and irreparable, even if they have been your friend for the past fifty years, that you cannot look at them the same way again; b) perhaps what they did that was hurtful was less severe in nature, but it is a pattern that has not and doesn’t seem likely to change (“when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” - maya angelou); or c) they don’t even know what they did was upsetting, they didn’t apologize, so they are just utterly clueless and could just haphazardly hurt you again. none of these are fine. if they aren’t interested in, at the very least, taking accountability and fixing whatever damage they have done to you, it’s time to move on. if they have apologized, taken accountability, etc., and you believe they just f*cked up because what they did was out of character, consider allowing them space in your life to show you who they are. 

when you decide a relationship isn't worth maintaining, how do you create distance in a healthy and nonavoidant way?

two words: “slow fade.” i am so nonconfrontational it’s not even funny. (i hate confrontation; it is one of my largest learning curves in this lifetime. it makes me ill. one time, i had to tell one of my roommates something about keeping the noise down (i’m annoying and go to bed at ten), and i thought i was going to faint.) this does not mean that you should avoid them. you just put less energy into the relationship. they text you? text back a one-word answer (don’t suddenly disappear on them— that’s rude, and we aren’t rude). better yet, just react if you can three hours later. they try to talk to you in person in a group setting? keep it short and sweet. nod if you have to, and then find a way to a different corner of the room or a different building altogether (okay, that’s a bit avoidant). they try to make plans? you’re busy. you’ve got that thing you need to do. fade away into the abyss; they will get the hint.

this isn’t the most mature thing to do. however, this situation is a bit different from the above because there wasn’t one defining moment you can point to that would offer succinct closure if that person were to ask you why you don’t want to be friends anymore. if they do ask, what you can’t say is, “i decided you no longer add value to my life, so i’m done,” or “i decided that i don’t want to put energy into our relationship anymore because it’s not worth it to me.” i mean you could, but that’s uncalled for. it’s possibly even more hurtful than cutting someone off because they did something horrific. what if someone just told you you weren’t worth their time anymore? no one wants to hear that (even if it’s true). what you can do if they call you out or ask you what’s up is tell them the truth. you could say, “i have really enjoyed our friendship over the past x years. i’ve just noticed as we have gotten older and you’re engaged, and i’m getting a dog, and the sky is blue, and they ran out of that specialty item at trader joe’s again that i feel less connected to you a couple of years ago.” something like that. 

it’s perfectly natural to outgrow friendships. no one should look at you sideways because you feel like you’re no longer the same person you were a year ago or four years ago or eleven years ago. you shouldn’t be. your relationships not only need to keep up with your growth but also propel it. the friends i feel closet to inspire me; i feel curious around them. that is what attracts me to them. if i don’t feel that around you, then we aren’t that close, and the relationship will fade.

how do you “break up” with a friend who is part of a larger friend group? should you be truthful about your issues with that person to the other friends within the group when your opinion could be a bit one-sided and may change their opinions of that person?

if they did something distinct to you that is irreparable (question one), then have a conversation with them explaining that what they did hurt you and that you respectfully need space from them. if they didn’t do anything to you but you are simply growing apart (question two), you can either “slow-fade” them away over time or let them know that you don’t feel as connected to them anymore, so you would also appreciate some space— forever.

if your friends do not ask you, keep it to yourself. you don’t need to unsolicitedly share your biased opinion about that person with your other friends unless what they did was so heinous it’s dangerous and you need to protect your friends from them or it is part of a larger, impersonal pattern that you have also observed with your other friends and it is impacting them. if you’re all really close, you know your friends and can determine whether they would want to know your side of things. use your judgment there.

chances are that your other friends will want to know what happened. come on, the last time one of your friends decided that they no longer wanted anything to do with george, didn’t you wonder why? what you can always do is preface whatever you say with, “this is my experience of x” or “this is my opinion on what happened.” then they can move forward in their relationship with that person in whatever manner they choose. we are sovereign beings. i do not believe that if someone is anchored in the full integrity of who they are, what you have to say can completely sway their opinion. it would be additional information, and again, they can move forward accordingly in whatever way they decide. what you can also do is encourage them to talk to the other person. i would raise an eyebrow if someone told me that i shouldn’t speak to alex again because they have an issue with them. acknowledge that your narrative is only half of the story, and you’re sure that the other person has their version as well. with that, your friends will have the full picture, and they can decide what they want to do with all of the information.

overall, keep it honest and respectful. after that, it is out of your hands.

talk soon x katherine

(1) knowing someone for a long time does not mean they get a hall pass. don’t be a prisoner to the sunk cost fallacy and only stay friends with them because you have known them for several years. all i mean by this is if you have known them for a long time, you will be able to tell what they did is out of character or not. it’s a factor in your decision-making, not a reason to keep a relationship around.

(2) let me be clear: this does not mean that people can go around doing heinous sh*t all of the time and not be held accountable. the way i interpret “right” and “wrong” has more to do with the person’s feelings regarding the situation rather than debating whether something is objectively “right” and “wrong” because that will always be dependent on context, perspective, etc. if we are holding space for nuance. i am always and only on the side of empathy. again, the patience, empathy, respect, and depth you are exhibiting by not immediately dichotomizing are less about the other person and more about embodying those qualities with yourself and continuously amazing yourself with your capacity to expand in that love. if there was ever a time to be self-centered, i.e., centered in yourself, this is it. with that grace you can offer someone the opportunity to reflect if they chose to do so. we can never change other people, we can only set an example with how we move through the world. okay, i'm off my soapbox.

(3) i don’t really have an issue with swearing, i just like the look of an asterisk.

dreaming about presence

A couple of years ago, I sat with an extraordinarily talented and powerful shamanic practitioner. During our session, she shared a vision of my father holding me as a baby. She shared that when he held me, his understanding of love changed as he thought, “Oh, so this is what love is?” She said he cherished me from the beginning, was so proud of me, and was in amazement of the vulnerable, delicate, tiny, magical human being that just landed earthside. He was in complete and utter awe.

A few years later, I sat in the kitchen with my dad’s cousin. She is an indescribably beautiful, sweet, compassionate, empathetic, and powerful woman. We only got to know each other when she visited that spring. I loved hearing about her stories as a doula; the stages of preconception, pregnancy, and birth have always been endlessly intriguing to me. Unprompted, she told me about the first time she witnessed my dad with me. She told me about the unprecedented love she saw in his eyes when he looked at me. She would say over and over again, “Your dad loved you so much. He would barely let anyone hold you. He loves you so so much.”

Birth and children often inspire awe. We can’t help but take a moment and be present when we see children. When I see flowers, hummingbirds, or a spectacular moonrise, I am in awe; I fall in love. It’s so simple and yet somehow underrated. Every aspect of nature is a portal or gateway for someone to fall in love. I am in love with The Forest, while some find more solace in The Ocean. Not everyone falls in love with the same things, but nature has enough multidimensionality, diversity, and multiplicity that there is something for everyone. I heard once that no one needs to be taught how to be in awe and, thus, how to see (1) beauty (2). When we experience awe, we witness beauty and fall in love.

Love creates connection, whether we are connecting the disjoint aspects of ourselves, creating connections with one another, or connecting to something greater than ourselves. Awe is an effortless way to find ourselves in Mother Earth’s infinite dimensions. If you’re anything like me, it is much easier to be in awe of what appears to be outside ourselves. Whenever I am in awe of something in nature (which is truly a mirror for our beauty), I remind myself that this is what my dad felt the moment he saw me, and I am reborn in the awe I have for myself.

My dad and I are both dreamers and naturally have a more romantic view of the world (though I’m not sure he would admit that). That doesn’t mean we gloss over the atrocities that are present; they are opportunities to create something new, to create a more connected, beautiful, and harmonious world. Everyone has an equally crucial role to play in healing the planet collectively. Integrating this softer, more loving energy into our daily lives can go a long way.

I think the most important daily ritual we can engage with is presence. When I contemplate the threads that connect us all via our humanity, the one that feels the most important is that we all want to be seen, heard, and loved. We all want to belong amongst ourselves and one another. I truly believe that if we are present, we can observe the beauty within just about anyone and effortlessly experience love in that shared space. Presence is the gateway to beauty, which leads us to love. It’s a simple and powerful practice because we don’t need any tools; it’s spaceless and timeless. It may not always be easy to check our biases, wounds, patterns, filters, etc., at the door because those make us human. They are equally beautiful; there is time and space for them when we are present with ourselves. When you are with others, try to empty them out for a moment so you can see them with the utmost clarity. If we are truly present, I don’t believe there is any way that the other person won’t feel truly seen.

Whenever we are with someone, we have the power to birth something new within that person, within ourselves, and vice versa. It can be as simple as newfound empathy, compassion, or understanding. What you choose to co-create with that person is up to you. Imagine just taking in someone for exactly who they are and just being there in awe of them. Listen a bit more than you speak (don’t worry, there’s a time and place for offering yourself, too). Do the same for yourself. With this, we will preserve the richness in self-sovereignty, multidimensionality, and diversity that is currently fading.

If it doesn’t come easily to you, imagine someone you love first and feel into how you see them. Now try bringing that same feeling, that same energy, into the space with everyone else. See them through the same eyes of love you absorb your loved ones with. Do the same for yourself; imagine how someone that you know loves you unconditionally feels about you and hold yourself in that feeling. It’s a daily practice, and I imagine it can change a lot about the world if we all practice it endlessly. This is my dream for the planet.

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(1) When I write “see beauty,” it is not to exclude anyone who does not experience vision like I do. I also experience beauty via cycles and synchronicity, e.g., the moon, sun, and seasonal cycles that we all have access to. That’s just one example of a felt experience. Beauty and awe can be experienced via any of the five plus senses.

(2) Disclaimer: I first heard this idea from Zach Bush, M.D., who received it from a colleague. I don’t know Zach’s work extensively and thus do not claim to agree with all of his ideas, but I want to give credit where credit is due.

spring visions

Black hair is truly a mystical journey. After all of those years of spending hours in the hair salon burning, washing, and setting my hair; absorbing harmful chemicals; buying vitamins for thicker, longer, and healthier hair; changing the way I slept to prevent hair loss; installing weaves and braids to obtain instantaneous longer and straighter hair; trying out various hair products that promised “better” hair; wincing at the rain; trying not to sweat too much under the summer sun; worrying about getting splashed at rowing practice; wondering how I was going to hide my hair during “bad hair days”; blowing out my hair before school; and crying over haircuts that were too short (I was convinced my beauty was gone), I shaved my head.

My mom was terrified when I told her I would cut my hair off. I explained to her that continuing to relax my hair was unsustainable because of how unhealthy the practice was, and she understood. She just wanted me to find another solution that didn’t involve people seeing me practically bald (which I am not). There are ways to transition from chemically relaxed to natural hair. You could let it grow out and go once a week to a salon for treatments (to keep it healthy), cutting off the dead ends slowly until all you have is natural hair. You could grow it out for a little bit and then get braids. You could get a wig so no one sees you with no hair. You can also bite the bullet and start over. I weighed all of these options, but I knew all I wanted was that fresh start. My mom’s reaction was expected; she has always looked out for me. She was afraid of what everyone at work would think (I work in a conservative place, so I got that; I was scared too). She was fearful of what my friends would think. She was just scared for me. I didn’t want fear to continue making decisions for me, especially when I suspected this change would make me happy.

If you had told me even a year ago, let alone six or ten when I was still in college and high school, respectively, that there was a time when I would need to start over, I would have cried. When my sister was in high school, a texturizer burned half of her hair, and she had to start over. My mother was horrified but accepted her fate. My mom questioned why I would voluntarily do this, and even I questioned my sanity. Somehow, it just felt right. As someone prone to anxiety and overthinking, I was surprised at how right it felt. I tried to test myself to see if the fear would rear its ugly head. It didn’t.

John, my partner then, and I arrived at the salon for my nine a.m. appointment. He sat there for an hour while they chopped my hair off, shaved it once, shaved it again, and trimmed the edges. The stylist didn’t have me facing the mirror, which was probably a good idea. (I caught glimpses in the mirror; it looked questionable in those liminal stages. I had to calm myself down, reminding myself that it wasn’t done yet.) I had no idea this was the process, let alone how long it would take. (I wrongfully assumed they would take the clippers to my head for about fifteen minutes.) Occasionally, I looked at John while I sat in the chair; he nodded approvingly. That helped. It’s not every day a black girl willingly goes to the salon that early on a Saturday to cut all her hair off. I got stares from so many people in awe of what was happening. I also got so many warm compliments and reassurance from strangers. “You look beautiful,” said one woman to me who was there to get her hair washed. I appreciated that she took the time to come up to me. I was a stranger to her; even if she was utterly lying, it still felt nice.

When I first saw myself in the mirror, I was shocked. I was amazed at how great it looked and equally shocked that it looked normal. My stylist commented, “No one on the street will know you had this done today. They are going to think you have always looked like this. That is how natural it looks on you.” He was right. I had made peace with my decision a long time ago. I was prepared to cry if I was wrong, but I felt relieved. John and I walked over to brunch, where we ran into my step-aunt, step-uncle, and their two adorable children. (I’m not sure they initially recognized me because they just gawked at me (they are pretty young).) They didn’t realize I had just finished cutting my hair and were impressed by how normal it looked. Over brunch, all John could say was how he didn’t know I could look even more beautiful and how he fell even more in love with me. I was so grateful and happy to have him there supporting me. We took fun Polaroids before and after to celebrate the metamorphosis. 

One of the reasons I wanted to shave my head is that it’s more common to see black women with shaved heads than white women. Several months prior, I was watching the Gossip Girl reboot (it’s terrible… I watched every episode) and loved that one of the main characters, Julien, rocked a shaved head. I secretly wondered if I would look as stunning as Jordan Alexander with little to no hair. In the end, I decided that this was one of the ways I felt I could finally celebrate being black instead of always trying to be white. I felt normal and also had a sense of renewal. I felt like myself and reborn.

I paused during my run this morning, just noticing how much my body has changed over the past couple of years. I heard, “You’ve changed.” Suddenly it all made sense.

Between shaving my head and writing these essays, I appreciate my body more for its symbolism. All forms of nature are symbols, as are the various iterations of those forms. What’s the difference between a yellow and a pink rose? Both are forms of Mother Earth that hold a dream, i.e., consciousness, of Unconditional Love. Does the yellow rose convey Unconditional Love differently than the pink rose? Jasmine holds divine feminine consciousness or the divine feminine dream. Do various forms of jasmine bring out different dimensions of this dream? What is the difference between seeing jasmine vs. smelling it? Do they offer diverse healing experiences? What about the difference between a black jaguar and a cougar? Both are symbols of feminine power. The black jaguar holds an extra layer of shadow medicine, symbolized by its dark fur. What about the rosettes patterned on their fur? Hummingbirds are one of the few bird pollinators. What does this say about them? Sure, it highlights the healing powers of flowers but is there more to it? The way hummingbirds move (one of the few, possibly the only, birds that can fly backward) is medicine in itself. Their wings also move in a figure-eight pattern, the symbol of infinity. The moon, sun, stars, and other celestial bodies hold so much archetypal symbolism and medicine (explained by astrology). Spirit babies can appear as all kinds of colors in their mother or father’s aura. What do these colors mean? Why do they change colors? Do their colors specifically mean something to their mother or father? All forms of nature hold multidimensional medicine, seen and unseen. 

Our bodies can be sources of beautiful medicine (1). Everything from my dark skin and specific hair texture to my body shape is medicine. I needed to be born into this body to tell this nuanced yet relatable, personal yet impersonal story. I am not saying everything is “fixed” now; I still have plenty of moments to be kinder to myself and much more to explore. Knowing that my body is my soulmate has allowed me to be in awe of it and its expression.

My spirit baby has an orange aura like me. I wonder how I appeared in my mother’s aura.

Finding the same unconditional awe, love, and beauty I find in nature in my own body has been a winding path. I knew the answer was that since we are inseparate from Mother Nature, we share the same beauty and love. Every dimension, aspect, or form of Mother Nature holds a consciousness, i.e., dream. We all take on different forms to enact or carry out that dream. A yellow rose may be yellow because, according to its soul or dream contract, yellow is how it wants and needs to convey Unconditional Love. In contrast, a pink rose expresses the same consciousness differently. How we appear is also Nature’s synchronous way of expressing its love. In “truth,” none of our physical expressions exist without one another. White, black, and all skin colors in between are needed and valuable synchronous expressions of Nature. They create one another like all polarities, e.g., the moon and sun; earth and sky; the divine masculine and feminine; light and shadow; Democrats and Republicans; etc. One could not exist without the other in this third-dimensional reality; they are eternal soulmates. This includes every dualistic expression on the spectrum of those polarities. (I know this is incredibly idealistic; the grounded part of me knows that practical and tangible systems are needed to effect meaningful change; still, I am a true romantic.) We all hold different dimensions of Mother Earth’s Dream, The Mother Dream; we all share The Mother Dream birthed by The Mother Dreamer, i.e., The Cosmic Mother.

You and I; the planets and stars; the flowers and bees; the fire and wind; the forest and water, all share the same dream. We simply have distinct, potent ways of telling our stories. The more we know ourselves for our complexities and nuances, the more we understand that we all reflect the same soul, consciousness, and dream. When I look at people, I wonder what dream, archetype, or vision they hold within themselves. I wonder what love they hold in their hearts, connected to the collective heart. I wonder how the people in their lives support them in enacting that dream. I know that someone loves them unconditionally; thus, there is no reason or excuse for why I cannot treat them with love, kindness, and respect.

As one of the richest dreams, summer has reflected on how much there is to love about being human and being on Earth. Even amongst the ninety-degree days and thick humidity, I feel an immense sense of gratitude. Admittedly, this constant rush of thankfulness is harder for me during winter’s dream as I haven’t yet learned how to receive and appreciate winter’s wisdom, but I will arrive there someday.

As the end of summer slowly approaches, I can feel the healing spiral coming to a close and opening again. Earlier this year, I felt great closure during Mars Dream. I had made peace with many relationships and experiences that would loop through my dreams. Even though not everything was “fixed,” and there was still some more growth, I was grateful for the chance to experience some new beginnings and wipe the slate clean. As humans, we are natural healers, bringing love and tending to all of our wounds. One summer evening, as I reflected upon all of the growth that had taken place over the past several years, I could feel something else stirring inside me, urging me to pay attention. It was as if I knew all those years I spent healing and cracking myself wide open were like practice for what was to come.

I learned so much by being my own healer over the past few years. I also want to honor that I have had some unparalleled teachers and healers that have guided me toward discovering what I am like as a healer. It sounds cheesy, but it always comes back to Love, right? The way we love is unique, but it always returns to that place. I believe this is reflected in my story from my previous essay about the garden. That day I was sitting in Hummingbird Garden, observing my patterns, and I noticed that no matter what, I always sought out a piece of Mother Earth. It didn’t matter whether I was happy and inspired or sad and confused…. I always came back to wherever I could find green.

It is innate to experience awe amidst all of Mother Earth’s beautiful dreams, but what about the shadows? Humanity and this world are filled with shadows; that’s not a bad thing. Without our shadows, I wouldn’t be writing this piece. Light and shadow are soulmates, much like dreams and nightmares. I didn’t realize what I was doing at the time, but I can pinpoint the first moment I decided to find love and wisdom when I was in a tough spot, and it has been a part of my practice ever since. Thanks to John, I am continuously in awe of my shadows and all of the medicine they have provided. Our shadows are just as beautiful as any aspect of humanity. The Cosmic Mother/The Great Mother/Mother Earth has infinite dreams, which means there are endless opportunities and portals for love and beauty. Our capacity to experience awe, beauty, and love is unconditional. We need to choose to tap into the dream layered beneath the nightmare. It is important to note that I am not talking about spiritually bypassing by simply saying that “everything is love and light yaddy yaddy yaddah.” Choosing love in challenging moments is somehow simultaneously the easiest and hardest thing I have ever done. It didn’t work when I tried to brush over how I was feeling. Yes, The Great Mother’s Dream is woven into every fiber of our experiences, seen and unseen. As human beings, we undergo a wide array of experiences and emotions. Some of them feel great, and others don’t. How we feel is a powerful compass for the impact we want to have. The Mother Wound is a powerful portal because my mother wound runs so deep. All the sadness and hurt have helped guide me toward the change I want to effect in my time on Earth. The scarcity and loneliness crisis impact many, and we must do our part to heal it. I have always suspected that how we heal ourselves is how we are meant to heal the planet. My answer has been returning to the awe, beauty, and love in every dream. What’s yours?

Someone brilliant once said humans don’t have to be taught to see beauty (2). We don’t have to be taught to fall in love with a sunset, the waves of an ocean crashing on a shore, the lush green of a forest, the breathtaking view from the top of a mountain, the soft light of the moon, the sound of water rushing from a waterfall, the snow tickling our skin, the vibrant colors of flowers, the majesty of trees, or splendor of a rainbow. We fall in love with Mother Earth for at least a split second when we see this natural beauty and are in awe. No matter who or where you are, we all know beauty when we see it. It differs for everyone, but I trust the feeling is the same. This is one of the experiences that unites us and makes us divinely human. I am constantly in awe of John and all of the synchronous lessons I have learned from our relationship. I find myself in John all the time and subsequently am in awe of myself as a form of Nature. Imagine what would happen if we all saw the innate beauty in one another, if we were in awe of one another, in the same way, we are in awe of Nature? We shouldn't need to be taught to love one another. I don't think we do, I just think we forgot.

How can I lovingly support those around me?

I imagine there is nothing like a mother’s love for her (3) child. I love you so much; you aren’t even “here” yet. You are my soulmate, and I can’t wait to meet you. I can only envision all of how I will come to love you. My vision is to learn to care for myself and give even more to others, especially you. Everyone has someone who loves them. When I become a mother, I hope it will inspire me to become even more loving and compassionate for those unknown to me. I always think, “What if that person was my child? How much love would I have for them?” Everyone could be your child in a quantum, energetic sense. We are all so connected; it’s not impossible. I hope that we can look beyond the conventional definitions of “family,” “parent,” and “child” to care for one another more. We all come from the same place. We are all on the same team. We are all a part of the same family. We are all in one another’s lives to care for one another. Even if it doesn’t come in the pretty, comfortable package that we would prefer, that doesn’t diminish the power of the lesson; it amplifies it. We are all children of the Earth guiding one another home. 

How can I lovingly support those around me?

My vision for everyone is that we can feel comfortable enough to share our stories, spirits, and hearts. Vulnerability hasn’t always come easily to me. I am continuously inspired and in awe of those who dare to be vulnerable. They have shown me all how I am not alone. Relationships and community are one of the most beautiful aspects of being human. I hope that as we all come to care for one another, we feel loved and supported enough to share and give of ourselves more. Vulnerability is how we see ourselves in one another and move one step closer to harmony.

How can I lovingly support those around me?

Everything I do is always related to creating a more connected and beautiful world. This is my favorite vision, partially because it is so simple. There are so many ways to overcomplicate spirituality, religion, mysticism, and literally everything else. I’m pretty sure it all comes from the same place, i.e., love. How we get back to that “truth” is up to us. 

I envision a reality where everyone can connect to the natural world’s awe, beauty, and, thus, love. I hope that this can move us all from separation to divine union.

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(1) This is not to say that we are all born into the “right” body. I am aware of my privilege as a cis woman. I believe our bodies relate to the medicine we can offer the collective in whatever way we choose. All bodies have a story and are valuable and essential. This is also not to minimize the experience of those in marginalized bodies. Although I am marginalized in one way, I am not in all forms; thus, I cannot speak to all experiences. I am open to suggestions for a more inclusive way to phrase this.

(2) Disclaimer: I first heard this idea from Zach Bush, M.D., who received it from a colleague. I don’t know Zach’s work extensively and thus do not claim to agree with all of his ideas, but I want to give credit where credit is due.

(3) I know that not everyone with a womb necessarily uses she/her/hers pronouns. The Mother archetype is available to everyone of all gender identifies. If it weren’t universal, it wouldn’t be an archetype. My mother uses these pronouns, and since this story is about her, those are the pronouns I use throughout this essay.